I accidentally burped into my bong.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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