Will you blow on my dice?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
