I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
