You really coming over, don't trick.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
