So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
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Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
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My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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