Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
