Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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