Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
