fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
