Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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