smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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