I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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