No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
