I wish my penis had an off switch
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
