Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
