Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
