She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
