I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
