How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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