Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
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You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
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This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize