He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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