so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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