Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
