After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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