what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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