Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
