also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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