Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
