could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize