I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
