is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
