Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
