I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
