New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
