yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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