I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
