The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
