Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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