Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
