Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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