ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
