Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
