my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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