im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
