Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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