well I can't set my house on fire every night
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
and she was petting her beer can
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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