i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
