at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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