Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
