okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
