oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
