I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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