That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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