I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
