He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Someone came in the potted fern
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
