Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
