im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
