We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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