hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
