sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
