her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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