Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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