I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
