my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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