Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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