All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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