party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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