just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
