When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
there is glitter all over my balls
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
