i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
