Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
