We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Semen is not good for contacts.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
