Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
