do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
