So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
