Are we in a gay sports bar?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
